Returning

and my window on the world
opens once more
as my returning
fingers
pressing the neatly
ordered keys
release the catch
that lets me in
and returning
I listen to the words
falling shortly onto the page
and revisit the words
that fell this way before
and my tears flow
in cleansing flood
for hidden here
awaiting my return
are words left by a hand
that touches me with grace
and gold
and saves the best for last
and welcomes me in
whenever I return
and no condemnation
and no sighs
just arms wide open
and come inside
and grace pours out
through the window
now re-opened
and my heart returns
once more

what do I want to say?

I ask myself

and I think about it

and I find there is so much

I want to say

that I cannot even begin

to say it

I want to say

that life is good

that life is painful

that life is joyful

that life is filled with grace

I want to say

that I am loved

that I am loving

I want to say

that I am filled with hate

and I pause

I am filled with hate?

do I really want to say that?

and I see that I do

for the things that are done

that grieve me

and the things that I do

that cause grief

are hateful

and fill me with hate

and hate is a strong word

and can only be conquered by love

and then I remember

that I am to love my neighbour

as I am to love myself

and in seeking after that love

the hate will be put in its place

at the feet of love

and I ask you to show me

how to love

that which I hate

and I want to say

that you are good

and that I believe in your love

and I want to say

that one day I believe

that your love

will win the day

come to me

'come'

that's what he said

'come to me'

an invitation?

a command?

a temptation?

an order?

'come to me if you are burdened

and I will refresh you'

that's what he said

and I think about the message of his words

and I think about the strength of his voice

and I think about my burdens

and I reach out my hand

and I am undone

and my tears fall

and my guard falls

and my burden falls

and my hand is taken

and I am refreshed

and here I am

resting once more

in his presence

untangling the past

held within my hand

the knot of troubles

lies tangled and heavy

like necklaces fallen in a heap

and I cannot breathe

with the pain of it all

and I hold them out to you

and sigh with frustration

and slowly and carefully

you show me how to loosen

the heavy knot

gently lifting each strand

until the tangled knot

begins to unravel

and each strand becomes

plain to see

with careful love

you choose a strand

and working gently

withdraw it from the knot

laying it safely aside

in a velvet box

and turning back to the knot

begin to work on yet another strand

from time to time

impatience fills me

and I yank savagely

at the whole knot

and it tightens once more

and tears of frustration fill my eyes

and fall heavily onto the knot

and you hug me and you smile

and at last I see

that your timing is perfect

and I stop striving

and I watch and wait

and slowly, so slowly

the knot of the past unravels

in your patient hands

and your ever present love

and the velvet box fills

with golden strands

and the knot grows lighter

and I can breathe once more

I wonder

and I wonder
if there is anything left to say?
for the spate of words written
and the flood of words spoken
leaves the well unfilled
and the gaping hole
still empty
in my heart
and I wonder
if there is anything left to say?
and then I remember
and I read your story
and I hear your words
and they tell me
that you offer
bread to fill my hunger
and living streams
to quench my thirst
and I wonder
if maybe
the words that need saying
are not mine
but yours
and I wonder

stepping out

I sit here

in the silence
and wait
for the empty page
to speak to me
and I wonder
what words of wisdom
it will speak today
and as I wait I begin to write
and as I begin to write
the message begins to come through
loud and clear
one step at a time
it says
just take one step at a time
no need to make a list
or draw up a plan
or fret and fume
or wait for a cue
just take one step
one step at a time
and just as the message on the page

is revealed as I begin to write
one word at a time
so the next stage of my journey
will be revealed
as I begin to walk
one step at a time
and I lift my foot

and then I draw back

and the problem?
I don't know which direction
to take
and yet as I write
my hesitation into being
I begin to see
that any step

is only one step away

from the place
in which I find myself just now
and I can always

turn around and start again
and bracing myself for action
I determine that I will
begin the next stage of my journey
and take just one step
and I will take it
just as soon as I am able
to get out of bed!

the view from the top

and another mountain
has been climbed
and another view noted
with disappointment
for the promised land
is still quite out of sight
and my heart so glad to have
made the top
is saddened to find
the view so little changed
and then I look back
and suddenly the view from the top
doesn't seem so bad after all
for looking back
I am made dizzy by the heights
scaled to reach this peak
and I am overwhelmed
by the changing scene
for slippery scree
and rockfaces craggy
and wooded ravines
and waterfalls rushing
and steeply rugged pathways
and too few ropes
mark the narrow way
conquered to get to this spot
and within my heart
gaping cracks are closing
and within my mind
new patterns are emerging
and I stand firm
at the top once more
and taking hold of grace
and breathing deeply of hope
I cast my eye
over the view spread before me
and begin to wonder
if it isn't time
to set off once more